what you (or i) need to hear

  dear reader,

    i believe almost every teenage girl has once felt that she must measure her worth based on whether or not someone likes her. i'm saying this because that's how i'm feeling now, and i have to shut it down before the infection of men reaches any other innocent cute girlbloggers!!!

    when i sat down to write this post, i immediately starting listening to you seem pretty sad for a girl so in love by olivia rodrigo because for the past 21 hours, i've been completely and utterly depressed. i fell asleep at 5am last night crying to cigarette smoke and i woke up at 6. so there i was, 5 minutes ago, expecting to immediately have my soul crushed by this album. but as i hit shuffle, the first song that played was expectations. totally not a big deal, but it seemed like a sign to me. why sulk when i have so much life ahead of me? why cry when i can find literally anyone in life?

    thing is, i don't technically believe i can find anyone else, because if you haven't already noticed, i'm a pretty all-over-the-place 16 year old girl. but i have to know that i will. so if any other girl or guy is feeling this way right now, i want you to know that the only person who can determine how much you're worth is you, and if you diminish yourself because of some crush, that's your doing. once you start loving yourself, you'll notice how much people love you. it's so difficult to get past things like this and maybe i'm not making any sense, but i really had to write it out to get it through my own head. and hopefully this finds someone at the right time.

    this was just a little blurb so i get back into the habit of writing, but just as i started this closing paragraph, cigarette smoke started playing. cool, that's gonna be great for me in 3 minutes. but it's okay. all i have to do is believe i'll be okay, and if i have myself, i have all i need. if you have yourself, you have all you need as well.

p.s: i'm shocked at the amount of followers i've gained in the past few days!! thank you so much for all the support, i'll try my best to write to the best of my abilities and create a safe space to feel. hugs and kisses to all of you!

you know you love me

xoxo,

maria ₊˚⊹♡